going... going... gone

In order to keep your sanity in the face of distress and defeat, you must laugh.


I listened to Banzai's musings about her bobita groupmates and laughed at her academic misery.
I closed my eyes and was lulled by Francesca's version of Lonely is the Night and laughed at how bloodcurling in a cheesy-sappy kind of way my Air Supply wannabe this bestfriend of mine could be.
I took Skelly's cam, took pictures with Pek and laughed at how silly, not to mention wasted, we looked beside the christmas tree.


In between my bursts of my contagious and long-lost wahahas, an agonizing moment creeped in, and before I could exhale, I was suddenly engulfed with a deathly silence.


He, who unknowingly inspired me to be consumed by my pointless fixation, was sound asleep just a couple of houses away (even if he is wide awake, I don't think he'll ever talk to me again. Ang kulit ko kasi.). I was physically incapacitated by the intensity of this drama that it's impossible not to think of him without entertaining the concept of d-e-s-t-i-n-y. I swear, I could have used a rusty cutter and engraved a big heart on a trunk of a tree with R & K inside it. Embarrassing really but it's too late now to deny that I was that harebrained, mentally unsound and distraught. Perhaps I still am.


My minute of self-absorption bordered on the brink of after-life. It was with excruciating effort that I restrained myself from having another cardiac arrest. A blinding green flash followed by a rushing noise--as if he himself stunned me with avada kedavra. And no counter-attack like expelliarmus will do. Not even a flick using the Elder Wand. To abandon this mad curse is to kill the lingering inclination to be irrationaly infatuated (and I am just good in giving him reasons to dislike me).


I resumed getting drunk with endorphins and alcohol. And my friends had no clue what had just happened to me.


Just laugh, I reminded myself.
Even if it is like being stabbed in the heart by a dull bread knife.
Just laugh.